Tuesday, January 29, 2013

You Asked For It

By request, rails on the following topics – and as a challenge to myself, I’ve included a bonus – rant in prose:

Hear the bell? “Dinner is ready!" Just the words, to keep a tummy steady!

Who doesn't love a ding? "Ding, ding, ding! Ding-ding-a-ling!"
I’ll tell you who! My good friend, "Ding, Dong!"?
A visitor you say? What could go wrong?

Don’t cringe that way When you hear the doorbell ring

After all, every little ding Is a musical thing

It’s a song on a wing A cousin to ping

And that makes it better Than anything!

Of course, once inside

A visitor must abide

By the mudroom rules

Hang hats, please, on hooks, Next to the tools

Coats in the cabinets Colored in neutral tones

Greys and Browns are o.k. In the savviest homes

A wet-safe floor is a must in a room made for mud

And easy-wipe counters to get rid of the crud

Speaking of crud – How ‘bout them 2012 Cubs?

Last year was filled with spilled catches and flubs.

But not this year, no way, no sireee!

This is our year! Can you say WOO WOO WHEE?

There’s no way we won’t take it

I’m right and I know

I’m a Mom. I’m always right

So I’ll see you at the show!

Maybe I’ll arrive in a race car or an old-fashioned trolly?

Though I’m not likely to come with Trixie or Polly

I like my characters with a little more edge

One who can cling, grinning, to a precipitous ledge

Think CatWoman, if think at all, you must

A gal with some shadows

And a generous – um – trust.

As for where I might while away hours

As I wait for the big game

Expect to find me in my kitchen

Where granite counters and cherry cabs reign

To be honest the granite was a boner of a buy

But who knew it then, when I was economically high?

Not me, nor all of the others - Thousands of us suckers

Who wish we could sell that fine granite For a supply of PB and Smuckers

The sandwiches we could make

Would sure come in handy

Since short selling the house

Is where we may land… y

‘Course therein lies the rub, if you follow along

‘Cuz we can’t afford this, though we did nothing wrong

It’s the banks, I shake my fist at the sky

And the congressmen and lobbyists, I shrug limply and sigh

What can we do, but just keep plugging

While we celebrate the Cubs record-high slugging!

If I’m not in the kitchen I’m cleaning the house

Or chasing that God forsaken grey mouse

Who visits twice a season with no invitation

And provides me with endless, manic, motivation

To sweep, mop and vacuum – the latter’s the best

With a Dyson, no question or lengthy contest

That yellow magic machine with the whirly middle

Makes me smile all the while like a cat with a riddle

Unlike that double-park scene Out in front of the school

Though I know why it happens It’s certainly not cool

Too many folks drive, without a place to stop

Coming from work it’s hard to walk, skip or hop

To the entrance to wait for your little lollipop

So we need traffic management

And who better for the job

Than my sharp-witted husband?

Such a smart-alecky pop.

Between him

And some guy named Einstein

He could solve all the world’s problems

By today at four-oh-nine

And he’ll do it while being just as sharp as white cotton

And humble, and sweet, and not at all rotten

As for my precious Lu, remember you’re a copy, darling

And a fuzzy one at best

Maybe you should try again

After you've gotten a little rest.

Better? Do not mess with your Mami, love

Take heed some advice

I’m dangerous with a pen

Really, any writing device

Recall what you’ve heard

Don’t challenge me with a word

Frankly, the idea’s absurd

And the hashtag? Apology preferred.

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe you jus did that! You really are awesome.